You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
