It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
