btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My vagina just clenched in fear
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
