I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
