dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
