i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
