i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
