My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Shame - the story of my life.
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