ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
