Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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