She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She bit a glass in half.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
