"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You've changed since you got that strap on
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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