So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
