Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
