i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
