and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
