you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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