I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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