I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize