We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
