Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize