just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize