I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you made out with another girl for some wings
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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