i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
