turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your cock deserves a montage
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
