his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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