There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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