he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
