He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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