When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
