When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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