covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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