Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
