I'm gonna have a badass scar
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
