Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
