I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
