I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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