Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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