I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
