I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
