my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
