honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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