So drunk its hurt
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
