we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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