I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
