At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
