You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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