my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
