We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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