I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were destined to go to rehab together
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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