I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
