I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
