Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
