Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
