how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
