ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
