this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
