Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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