This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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