U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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