dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
