come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
