One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
