My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
