I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your penis caused this!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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