my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
