what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
