I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
