sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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