I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
