Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sacagawea was the original milf.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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